How to Choose a Good ADHD/Autism Assessment

What we wish we’d known before starting the process in Barcelona

When we started looking for someone to assess my partner for ADHD, we didn’t realise how hard it would be to find clear, compassionate, and professional support.

Even though I had the expertise, for ethical reasons its not advisable to diagnose your own partner with anything hehe 🤣. So our search began for an outside perspective...

We asked around and eventually chose someone based on a recommendation and a very reasonable price. At the time, that seemed like good enough. But looking back, it turned out to be a very expensive choice — not because of the cost, but because of how little support we actually received.

What went wrong

From the beginning, communication was vague. When we reached out to ask how the diagnostic process worked, we got a very brief reply: just the number of sessions and the cost. There was no information on the website about what the assessment included or how she reached her conclusions. When we followed up to ask more, we were met with silence.

Still, we decided to go ahead.

She didn’t explain the process at the start — no outline, no space to ask questions — and we didn’t know what to expect. She simply did her thing over a few sessions.

At the final session, we were hoping for some clarity and feedback, but that never came. Instead, she casually said, “Yes, it looks like you have ADHD,” and offered a referral for medication.

That was it.

My partner had to ask, “So… is this a diagnosis then?” He left feeling confused and unsure what had actually happened. I knew this was not how assessments were managed when done well and with the client experience in mind.

We never received a breakdown of the test results or an explanation of how she reached her conclusion. When we asked for a written report, she sent a one-sentence letter: “This person meets criteria.” No context. No support. No recommendations beyond “get medication.”

Even worse, during the sessions, she made comments that felt dismissive of neurodiversity — suggesting, for example, that my partner’s social difficulties were due to trauma, or saying things like, “You wouldn’t want to hang out with people who have ADHD.” It felt judgmental, uninformed, and frankly, unprofessional despite being in what appeared to be a very distinguished environment.

Although I tried to gain clarity for us during the process, she kept pushing me away “to maintain confidentiality” — without ever finding a way to include me in a respectful or helpful way. I understand the importance of boundaries, but collaboration and consent matter too. No one should feel isolated from loved ones or abandoned of support by a therapist during such a vulnerable process.

Why this matters

Getting a diagnosis — especially as an adult — can be life-changing.
We know firsthand what is needed to feel supported as a client in the process and what to avoid so that others can move forward afterwards feeling empowered, not diminished.

You deserve to feel seen, supported and understood. You deserve to have clear information at your fingertips, space for questions & access to timely answers. Finally you deserve a report that reflects your story — not just a box ticked or a prescription written.

So what should you look out for?

Here’s what we wish we’d known — and what we now recommend to anyone seeking an assessment whether its with me or elsewhere:

A clear explanation of the process upfront

You should know what to expect: how many sessions, what kinds of assessment tools/forms will be used, what the sessions will cover, when/how the diagnosis will be communicated and what to expect afterwards.

Transparent, respectful communication

If a professional doesn’t respond within a few days to your questions or emails, or if they feel vague or dismissive, that’s already a red flag.

A feedback session that gives you clarity

The final session should include a full explanation of the findings: what came up in the testing, how it connects to your experience, and what it means for your life going forward.

A written report that is useful

This should include background info, assessment tools used, results, diagnosis (if applicable), and personalised recommendations — not just one sentence.

Neuro-affirming language and attitude

If someone seems uncomfortable with or judgmental about neurodiversity, it may not be a safe space. Look for someone who understands that autism and ADHD are part of how some people experience the world, not problems to be “fixed.”

Good training and experience

Don’t hesitate to ask about their qualifications and background. Do they specialise in adult assessments? Have they worked with neurodivergent clients before? Are they up to date with current diagnostic tools?

English fluency (if that’s what you need)

If English is your preferred or only language for psychological support, make sure the professional is fluent — especially when it comes to discussing sensitive or complex experiences (which is one aspect of an assessment; describing certain experiences/feelings).

Space to advocate for yourself or a loved one

A good professional will find ways to include your partner, friend, or loved one in the process — if that’s what you want — with your consent. You should never feel shut out or silenced when trying to support someone you care about.

Getting assessed can be a huge step. Make sure the person you choose sees the full picture — not just symptoms, but your.

And if you’ve already had a bad experience: you’re not alone. You deserve better.